Gloom, Despair, And Agony On Me

     It's crazy, I have everything I need. I am healthy. I have the promise and hope of heaven waiting for me. Every reason to be full of joy and praising God for it all.

     Then why does my heart fail and despair rule? Why do the flood waters of sorrows past overwhelm me? The disappointments of life and the sad gray days of Winter remind me of past sins and poor decisions. Ugly naked trees mock me into withdrawal.

     But, perhaps God calls me to this heap of woe, to settle my heart into His - for me to open my eyes to see the trials of others. Maybe a conviction that I must put pride and self pity away. He reminds me that He's lifted me from this pit before. Doesn't He want me to trust Him more, to believe anew that He always does exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever ask. And He is GOOD.

     Mostly I must remember that Spring always follows Winter. New life, buds burst forth, nature sings!  Promised hope brings clarity and vision back. Sunshine penetrates dead cold hearts and lives are renewed.

     But here in the Winter, while I long for sunshine, when I notice sadness in another - I will offer them the reminder that God is near. I will assure them that He sees and knows. Because I know this, because He has assured me again and again.

                      Dear Precious One,
          I sit here on the edge of your pond of tears,
          started years ago with a tiny pebble of pain-
          just now forming ripple after ripple until it
          has ended up in this wave of grief.
          How much I wish I could stop it for you
          somehow - keep it from continuing its
          momentum. But it will calm again, will
          become smooth glass reflecting our Jesus,
          our calmer of every storm.
          He is in control of all. I can only be His
          ears to listen to your cries, His arms
          to hold you while we wait for the
          waves to stop.

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